When people come to me with anxiety, they often tell me that they know, logically, that they are safe but their body doesn’t seem to believe it.
They might feel constantly on edge, overthink everything, struggle to switch off, anticipate what could go wrong or find themselves reacting very strongly to situations that seem relatively small. Sometimes they can’t even identify what they’re anxious about. They simply feel that something isn’t right.
This is one of the reasons I find EMDR such an interesting approach to working with anxiety.
When anxiety is more than worrying
Anxiety isn’t always about what is happening right now.
Sometimes our nervous system has learned to anticipate danger because of what we’ve experienced in the past. This might be a single frightening or overwhelming experience, but it can also come from repeated experiences such as criticism, unpredictability, bullying, relationship difficulties or growing up feeling that you had to be constantly alert to other people’s moods.
Over time, the nervous system can become very good at looking for danger.
It’s a little like having a smoke alarm that has become overly sensitive. The alarm isn’t broken, it’s trying to protect you. But it may start sounding when there is only burnt toast rather than a genuine fire.
I often think about anxiety in this way. Your nervous system may be responding to what it has learned, rather than what is actually happening now.
How EMDR can help
When I work with anxiety using EMDR, I’m interested in understanding what your anxiety might be trying to tell us.
Rather than simply trying to make the anxiety disappear, we can become curious about when these feelings began, what situations trigger them and what you believe about yourself when you’re anxious.
For some people, there may be particular memories or experiences that are still carrying a strong emotional charge. Even when those experiences happened many years ago, they can continue to influence how we feel and respond in the present.
EMDR can help the brain process these experiences so that they become memories of something that happened, rather than something that continues to feel threatening.
It’s not always about one big traumatic event
One of the things I think is important to understand is that you don’t have to have experienced one obvious traumatic event for your anxiety to have roots in the past.
Sometimes it is the accumulation of smaller experiences.
Perhaps you grew up feeling that you had to get things right. Perhaps you learned to keep everyone happy because conflict felt frightening. Maybe you were criticised, excluded, rejected or made to feel that your feelings were too much.
These experiences can leave us with beliefs such as:
- I’m not safe.
- I have to stay in control.
- Something bad is going to happen.
- I can’t cope.
- I have to get everything right.
- I can’t rely on other people.
These beliefs can quietly shape our lives without us necessarily realising where they came from.
Bringing the nervous system into the room
I don’t see anxiety as something that needs to be fought against. Often, it is a part of us that has worked very hard to keep us safe.
So I approach anxiety with curiosity and compassion. What is your nervous system expecting? What does it think might happen? And, perhaps most importantly, does it still need to protect you in the same way today?
EMDR can provide a way of working with both the memories and the physical responses associated with them. This can be particularly helpful when you understand your anxiety intellectually but still find yourself feeling it in your body.
You may know “I’m safe” but still feel your heart racing, your stomach tightening or your mind scanning for what might go wrong. Sometimes the body needs an opportunity to catch up with what the mind already knows.
Moving from surviving to feeling more present
My aim isn’t simply to help you become better at managing anxiety.
Of course, learning ways to regulate yourself and manage difficult moments can be really helpful. But sometimes there is an opportunity to go a little deeper and understand why your nervous system has become so vigilant in the first place.
When the experiences underneath anxiety are processed, there can be more space to respond rather than automatically react.
You may find that situations which previously felt overwhelming become more manageable. You may notice that you don’t need to anticipate every possible problem or constantly monitor yourself and others.
And perhaps most importantly, you can begin to experience more of your life as it is now, rather than through the lens of what happened then.
If anxiety is taking up too much space in your life
If you feel that anxiety is controlling your choices, keeping you on alert or preventing you from feeling fully present, EMDR may be an approach worth exploring.
I offer EMDR online, working collaboratively and at a pace that feels manageable for you. We don’t have to rush into processing difficult experiences. I believe it is important to first understand what is happening for you, establish a sense of safety and make sure you have the resources you need.
You don’t have to simply learn to live with an overactive alarm system. Sometimes we can explore why the alarm became so sensitive in the first place and help your nervous system discover that it doesn’t have to be on guard all the time.